Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
