It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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