omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
