honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
