I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
