theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
