bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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