you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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