New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize