Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
