I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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