Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
