Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So drunk its hurt
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
