Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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