i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize