There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
