I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
