Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
third nipple confirmed
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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