Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
