I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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