Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
