Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
