I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
