i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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