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I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
