discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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