And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
