Kareoke will never be a sober sport
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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