dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
