How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
