Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
are you so shy because you have an std?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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