Pants 0. Shit 1.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize