I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
