There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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