I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
