whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
