There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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