Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
