the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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