apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Damn victory sex feels great
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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