Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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