hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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