I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
