that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
