So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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