Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
