im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
