im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
