chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The air taste purple.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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