Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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