Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
