Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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