You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
