Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
