you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
