she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
