Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
