There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
