I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
