weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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