I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
