Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
