??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
