I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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