We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize