and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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