Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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