Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize