She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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