...so i touched it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Randomize
