for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
