took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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