If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
