And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize